The City

Finally, their time has arrived. The sports loving fraternity of Kolkata have a chance and they’ve decided, very true to their nature, to pounce on it. Talking of chances, they have lost one for hosting the India vs England WC match on Feb 27 due to reasons best known to CAB and the people. And how ironical that turned out to be. (That match returned a TRP of 17, a record per se.) One of the best cricket match one will ever witness was played, instead, at Bangalore. So the people have decided this time they re not going to miss out on the Most-Sports-Loving-City Tag. I talked to few of the folks and the mood was more than just upbeat about the coming two matches. The first one is on 18th March and between the associate heavyweights Ireland & Netherlands. As, one of the cricket lovers put it, “We would have loved to have our compatriots from across the wire-fenced border on the east play against the devils in Blue but we will have to do with whatever resources we have( No I am not copying/quoting anybody else here).” So my question was who will you support? “Well, it’ll be Netherlands of course.” Of course? Pardon my ignorance but I can’t understand the logic behind that. “It’s easy. Look, in WC 2007, Dada wasn’t the captain and India was kicked out of the ICC event. Pakistan was also, by Ireland. So what it did was lessen the backlash on Greg ‘Anguli’ Chappel and Rahul Dravid on whose dismissal in a match against SA we clapped. We’re so happy you know. Tumhi bhoojti padi naa? " He added. Flabbergasted and incensed at the reasoning and logic of this guy, I moved on to the other guy, who was having a smoke outside the ITC Virgina HO on Park Street, in search of a more intellectual-kind of people. The man looked reasonable with his big black specs, hairs well-oiled and combed in a pull back fashion and a Jute Bag to accompany him. I asked him about his and his folks’ plan for the other match, i.e., the Big Fight coming on 20th March between the African pioneers of cricket, viz., Zimbabwe and Kenya. Nonchalant as Ganguly used to be during his “God-of-Off-Side” Shots, he answered, “Look we care for Zimbabwe’s suffering and hence we, the people of Kolkata, have decided to wear black armbands in show of our continued support towards the people of Zimbabwe and against the illegal Mugabe Government.” So are you saying that you will support Zimbabwe, the same nation that produced gems like the Flower Brothers? He continued in his baritone, “ That’s not what I said. Well, we’ll be supporting Kenya.” Why? “Can we have this off-the-record?” Sure, we can.”Actually, Kenya was Dada’s favourite team. He just loved to bat against them. Do you remember back-to-back centuries against Kenya? Man, what innings of importance and what a timing for the knock. Must Win Games.” So should we expect a jam-packed Eden Garden alike the India-SL semis in 1996 WC? “Believe me, this will be bigger than that. The inside news is Didiji (For the ignorant fools, Didiji is how Mamata Banerjee widely known as in Bengal) is also coming to watch this ‘big-ticket’ game and will also present a lifetime achievement award & a leadership award to, guess who, Shourav.” He added in a fit of excitement. So, should we expect any moves from Dada on the political arena? “Well, although I am not the right person to comment on this, still I’ll tell you. The word is, Didiji has planned to take the presence of her party on a national-level. Dada being a welcome face across the nation, will be the best ambassador. The CPM is finished. They have belied our expectations and given us the wrong end of the stick. They promised us moon and gave Kolkata(Off the record please). But no worries, change will bloom and flourish soon in the land of Boses, Tagores & Sens. A change even the goondas of CPM can’t resist. Didiji is also contemplating a Railway Cricket Academy on the lines of MRF Pace Academy. Of course who better than Dada could be in-charge of the affairs there.” He concluded as he stubbed his cigarette under his leather chappals.As we take/make (in Kolkata you always have to make ways) our ways, my eardrums register a muffled voice of Jago Bangla in the same familiar baritone.

That’s all for today’s bulletin.

Aayush Anand for Baking News

Disclaimer: Yaar Hatao... ab itna kya Formal hone ka... :)

21 Randdumb things about me:

March 2010
Hmm... so here I am... again. I have this frigging exam tomorrow..err...technically today I guess.

So, today I was riding my raampyaari with Gaurav to the Tata Steel Sports Complex and on the way I saw one mini truck with those ‘sarias’ tied to the beams of the carrier part. As protruding as Pinnochio’s nose I guess...
So I told Gaurav one of my darkest secrets then only...

1. I always fear that one day I am gonna die in this fashion: Me driving anything on wheels with a thela/ vehicle carrying those ominous rods in front of me. A sudden screech of breaks and then my ribs pierced by those rods. An innumerable number of holes I guess . Guess because it is said that you can’t ever dream of what happens to you just after the death. I have seen myself falling from a skyscraper but just before I touch the ground, the dream vanishes as anything.

And here is more of Ran-dumbs for others to read....

2. I always wanted to join Indian Navy. But I never ever came as near to even appear for the exam. I did also want to be a scientist, an IPS officer and a spy. And, these days ideas of plunging into politics is hogging my mind.

3. I have always felt that I have been poor with Maths. However, the fact that I have always managed to get good scores in exams, be it boards, IIT JEE or AIEEE (or recently the CAT), i.e to say exams which have mattered to me, still flummoxes me.

4. I always find my choice in everything to be the best be it songs, movies, girls, clothes, shoes, etc. Fortunately, my choice of movies are rated well in the IMDB. My choice of songs have won many awards and feature in the classics. Clothes and shoes are too trite to be talked about. And, about girls..... no comments.

5. Since my teen days I have always thought of giving a thought to institution of marriage in mid 30s only. Since then only, the term ‘arranged marriages’ sounded to me ugly like *yuck*.

6. When I came to know (15 days after the accident) that I have broken my right wrist my first thought was “Thank God... I didn’t broke my left.”

7. I find my name to be the best sounding one in the whole goddamn world. I also feel that is one of the two things I am good at.

8. I can’t cry when people die. So, all those who read this please tell your souls not to hurt me because I couldn’t cry at your funeral.

9. I can be a crybaby when it comes to movies. I try my best not to but still I can’t stop my tear glands.

10. I think when it comes to writing I could only write it about me, for me, of me, me me and only me... Does that makes me a Narcissist??? Naah. The idea is to watch everything through my sight and then convey to people through me in my writings.

11. When it comes to driving( and not parking)... I think I am the best one around... gimme anything that has an engine and has got wheels (for that matter I could drive a speedboat or hovercraft too)... and I ll rein the beast.

12. I really think that I could do a Jenson Button/Sebastian Vettel with proper training for a year... Dad are you listening??

13. When I used to be a child, I used to maintain a scrapbook with pictures of Cars and Bikes, of course the good imported ones, cut from various magazines and newspapers. I always had a hunch I’ll get atleast half of them if not all. I still believe in that hunch!

14. I am reticent towards new people. But once I break the ice.... gawwd you would rather like to go back to the time before.

15. I haven’t yet figured correctly on my phone how to send someone’s number to someone else... I mean often it happens the other way round.

16. I used to be a bully at my school with some people. Once one of my teachers found out and infront of the whole class told me in a subtle tone, “ Aayush, It’s good to know you got such a facet too... but choose your preys wisely.”

17. I used to be very good photographer but no-cameras-in hostel-life rule at my school ruined my photography skills.

18. I hate people who puke regularly after having a booze. I don’t hate them for throwing up.... I hate them for overestimating their body metabolism or rather say... their going overboard in the show of virility.

19. I used to hate Kolkata, if not more then not less either, than I hate Rakhi Sawant. But after the last two trips, the hatred has thinned down like Kareena Kapoor did with her figure. But no... It is still not Size Zero.

20. I think Macbook is the best laptop ever made and Apple is the best brand ever. I still believe in iOS more than Android.

21. I also believe I could be a good ad-maker. Alyque Padamsee is my ideal. And her daughter is ohhhh-my-gawwwdd-I-will-give-my-left-hand-for-her kinda cute.

End of Part 1
A Request: See the Rubik's cube in the picture? Then please tell me how appropriate was the image to this post!!

Thank You...!

It has been a while. Still I'll give it a shot.
Place :Munger, Year: Don't remember exactly. Anything between 1992-94.

The melas we used to visit during Durga Pujas. Soon, too soon, I ended up on father's shoulders, tired of taking the gauntlet through the crowd. When I was old enough to comprehend, my father told me once, "You're kind of metro-living material, the likes of incidences as above being of his cues to the observation. But it turned out I proved him wrong at least on that front. And boy he must be the one most delighted of all. A little more time and I was the most agile walker among all with whom I shared my childhood. I remember Didi calling me from behind to go a little slow or at few, forlorn times, pun intended, "catch up boy". Anything on my mind and my pace wouldn't qualify to be called as one. But why frigging walking be the mundane subject for today's piece of shit? Okay. I'll try and dish out another anecdote. There was a seniors of ours in the college. Always a treat to talk to, bakar with, booze with – you just name it. For, he was the best cricketer of the college and also among the branch toppers. Turns out I wasn’t the only secret fan of him. One fine day a friend of mine, who thought of him on similar lines, asks me whether I have noticed his swagger. Always so AGILE. Get-set-go-for-any-frigging-thing-that-may-come-in-the-face attitude. I said yes, I have.
And a meek voice followed saying, "I was like him once". He shook his head with a big NAAAH!! That day I realised the serpentine change is already flowing in my veins. I wanted to change that. But the will wasn't enough I must say rather blaming the college environment. Still I tried by taking a responsibility which wanted me to be dynamic, very dynamic. I guess I discharged them well enough. Still the swagger wasn't reclaimed. One month after the college, at home, and I am still a laidback-lackadaisical-at-everything bugger. But, surprisingly during those dark hours of mine at the college, I made a decision and I stuck to it until the last moment. That was to join Infy. That was far from my goal, my interest being the analytics stuff. One fine weekend I appeared for the recruitment test for such a company. For the first time in my life, GD turns out to be my nemesis. I come back disheartened & dejected to my room at the Infy campus. Friends immediately pay a visit to my room, make a little fun out of me. Purely jovial intentions I hope!! Monday is a test & I get on again with the training life of mine!

And, today while I was WALKING back to the hostel, I eavesdropped (purely unintentional) on an eve saying, "I always see that guy hurrying and scurrying, ALWAYS". I wanted to turn back and say, "I'll take that as a compliment beautiful". But who wants to turn back. Don't know about you. But definitely not ME! Don't know if it's too premature to say this but still, "Thank You Infy".
P.S.: I wrote this nearly one n half months before... I am posting it the day I lost my 5 streak.. the second last module.. how ironical..!

LSD: Movie Review

wrote this one for our college magazine... dunno will be selected by our revered editor or not...

Cast : Anshuman Jha, Shruti Raj Kumar Yadav, et al.
Director: Dibakar Banerjee
Rating: 4.0/5

LSD: Lysergic acid diethylamide. One of the most potent narcotic and one of the expensive. On the contrary, this one was not that expensive of a movie. But it was a potent one. It took me to such a high that I had to take a break. If you like actor wooing the actress, some naach-gana at exquisite locations around the world, some action in the middle then chances are negligible, better say none, you will like this one. But if you like reality being thrust into your face, or you like phrases “cut the crap” & “call a spade a spade (or better say... don;t call a spade a spade, call it a shovel)” in letter and spirit, I hope you will love this one with your life. Dibakar Banerjee’s third film on the trot which made me think.. again! Khosla ka Ghosla and Oye Lucky! Lucky Oye! were masterpieces. OLLY experimented with Paresh Rawal’s multiple ‘character’. This one, with the help of some shaky handycam and store camera shooting, brought out of the closet some of the human baser instinct which most of us deny to possess, Voyeurism being one of them.

Three stories loosely webbed into one. The first one: A small sleepy town with a tacky little film Institute in which Rahul and Shruti come close to each other during an amateur movie making. They see themselves as the reincarnation (that word being a stretch) of Raj and Simran from DDLJ while they film their own version of the movie. They end up marrying , of course, without the consent of girl’s family and hence the consequences. Some people should find the dialogues between the two people kind of cute.

The second one: Somewhere in the same town, cameras are being installed at a One-Stop-Store. The person responsible with the surveillance, Adarsh, is challenged by an acquaintance to hook up with one of the store girls. And, then follows the challenge to film her up in the ‘act’ with him (Adarsh) by the store cam, of course for a good some of money. Now, at this moment it is interesting to see the vacillations of a layman. The man apparently is in love and is in a desperate need of some money to pay off his debts and hence keep the gundas off. Will he or will he not??

The third one: In some other corner of the town, Prabhat, a TV journalist is sent on a sting operation by his TRP hungry lady-boss and he messes it up again. He is on a brink of a breakdown. The boss is not happy with his mixing of ethics with the dirty work, her wife also unhappy with the meagre income. He attempts a series of suicides and by some quirk of fate meets a girl, Naina, who has been asked for ‘compromising’ by a Hip-Hop Star, Luki Luka, in lieu of a video. Now, this one is the perfect story any journalist would give his left hand for. Prabhat and Naina come closer over a number of attempts to seduce, blackmail and threaten Luki.

The movie scores a big point in the area that it doesn’t forces any moral lessons down your thought. DB has provided the perfect food for thought. He won’t tell you how to gobble it, he won’t mind how you chew and digest it.

NY Times called LSD as the latest in series of avant-garde offerings stripping the Indian film industry of decades of inhibition. It is also said that when DB spoke his mother about the project, she didn’t repeat the name of the film because she didn’t want to use the word “Sex.” When one of my friends asked me How is the movie I answered, “It could be the story of you, me and everyone.”

In three simple words, Go Watch It!!!

The Obituary of my dearest friend

Sideways Smiley Face : - )
(1987-2010)

Sideways Smiley Face died on April 11, 2010, surrounded by his loved ones. The cause of death was over-use and hence the resulting Sideways Disgruntled Face. Born on a Computer Science online bulletin board at Carnegie Mellon University, Mr. Face devoted his life to point out that previous sentence was meant to be funny. He also gained worldwide recognition for his tireless efforts as a glib substitute for the words “I’m amused”, howsoever rarity the phenomenon was. His other interests included frowning, winking, sarcastic smiling, and sticking his tongue out of his bracket mouth. He is survived by his brothers Sideways Surprised Face, Sideways Glasses Face, Sideways Angry Face, Sideways Monkey Face, Sideways Sonia Gandhi Face, Sideways Santa Face, Sideways Hungry Face, and, of course, his beloved wife, XOXO. In lieu of flowers, Mr. Face’s family has requested that people use actual words to express their feelings.

---Chuck 'Aayush' Lorre